We had a pretty boring 4th and weekend. Hub worked on the 4th and I think I saw some fireworks up over the trees way off in the distance, and then went to bed before 10. No worries though, as the local rednecks didn't let me down and shot off fireworks 'til well after midnight, keeping me awake in the usual 4th of July fashion.

He was off on the 5th so we had our BBQ that day, just the three of us. It was nice. Hub made ribs for the first time ever, and I must say, even being a Memphis girl, they were very, very yummy. See...



Mr. Idon'teatanythingthatisn'tafruitsnackorapieceofcheeseoragoldfishcrackerorachickennugget even liked them:





Anyway, I survived the boring weekend, but barely. His preschool was closed of course on Friday, so by Sunday night LG was so bored of me that he was conjuring up some behaviors that I thought were well on their way to extinction.  Very Bad Things happen around here when he gets bored.

This morning he woke up in rare form whining from the second his feet hit the floor. He slept in though, which was good, because that means all we had to do was get dressed for school (a battle in and of itself) and be on our way. They serve breakfast there so I didn't even have to worry about that.  He whined enough for orange juice that I finally gave in, and of course he spilled it like .02 seconds after it was in his hand. (All over my brand new red table runner.) So he's asking for more OJ and something to eat and I was calmly reminding him that I pay $120 a week for three days of this preschool and that includes breakfast and by God you're going to eat it! I'm not sure he quite gets that.

Of course we get there and he has absolutely no interest in breakfast what-so-ever, but before we left the house you would have thought he was a starving street kid.

Moving on- I stopped at McD's on my way home for another FREE iced coffee- yum. And then nearly ran over a giant black snake in the road on my way home. Gross. Seeing them in their natural habitat like in the grass or in a glass tank or something I am ok with, but seeing them slithering across the road all slither-y like really gives me the creeps.  I thought about running him over on purpose, to save the home owners whose yard he was barreling towards  a potential heart attack, but then I realized that would not be very Eco-friendly of me, so I refrained from murdering the disgusting creature.  Also- they eat mice, which are possibly more gross than snakes.

Ok- I will leave you with this. My husband cracks me up sometimes. (and other times I just roll my eyes and become very annoyed), but this was funny. We're trying to sell my car on Craigslist. com.  We get this response:

Hi Seller,
I really appreciate the information given towards making this transaction a successful one........I  will like us to carry on with this deal with trust and understanding. I'm okay with the least price $7000, i will be offering you $50  for removing it from Criagslist ....all together is $7050...I will really appreciate it if you can get back to me with your full details because i will asked my business associate who is presently in Michigan to issue out a payment cashier check amount of   ($13,000) which will be covering the shipping cost because the shipping firm will be picking up the item from u along with some other goods that are to be shipped in the state. Get back to me with full details such as ,

YOUR NAME IN FULL...............
CONTACT ADDRESS....
CITY.....
STATE......
ZIP-CODE...............
PHONE NUMBER........................

     Pls do not bother about any other buyer, i believe things will work as planned. Concerning the pick up i've arrange that with my shipping firm because they are picking  up from u along with other goods that are to be shipped for me. All you need to do is to get the check cashed immediately you do receive the check ,deduct the item amount and the offering amount $50  and get the remaining fund send to the shipping firm same day via western union money transfer or Money gram so that the shipping firm will be coming to your location to arrange for the pick up. i will email u my shipper information where u are going to send the remaining fund to as soon as the check have been send to u. Hope to hear from you ASAP.
Best Regards and Stay blessed ...............
N.B Make sure you mail me back immediately you get this message in other to proceed.

Regards

And so Hub responds with this:

Ben,

I am not the sharpest turnip on the farm, but I think this sounds a little funny.  It almost sounds like a scam.  In order to proceed, I need to send you a check for $45,000 to off set the difference in sales tax and have you send me a check immediately via western union for $42500 which I will then send to my accountant so we continue the transaction before the 13,000 is started.  After the 42,500 is sent, I then need you to send me a western union for $8000 so I can put that in my bank so ensure your check for $13000 doesn't bounce.  I know you understand as there are a lot of shady people out there.  People like you and me can't be too cautious.  After the 13K check from you, I will send the $1234.45 to my uncle who will send it to his mother and then will send it to you.  After all of this completes, I will send you all of my contact info so you can come over and steal all of my crap while I am waiting for you down the street. 

Thanks,

PS, tell your sister I said hi and that I have a weird rash now.

This is going to be a big'un seeing as I just found my camera cable this morning so I am making up for missing yesterday.  More White House, Tennessee, behind the cut:

Ok cynthialord's Hometown Photo challenge has taken a turn into sucktitude in White House, TN.  I can't find the cable to my camera so I can't upload my pictures! I had to rely on the internet for today and since I already did the beautiful Greenway and the library, that leaves one thing and one thing only. Football is a VERY. BIG. DEAL. here.

This is pretty much the ugliest thing I have ever seen and it's smack dab in the middle of town for all the world to see, everywhere you go. So there you have it, have a good look at my eye sore, it's here to stay.


When we first moved here, it was right before football season started. I will never forget that first Friday night...the football stadium is about a mile or so away from the High School, in town. The team got a police escort to the field and there was like a freaking parade for them.

Day 4 of cynthialord's Hometown Photo challenge.

This is the Greenway. It's 3.5 miles of paved walkways that meander all through the woodsy parts of the city. You can literally get from one part of town to the other, without having to walk on any major roads. This past weekend there was a Bluegrass Festival where several Bluegrass bands set up along the Greenway. On Halloween local businesses set up along the Greenway to pass out candy to the kids. All year-round it's just a beautiful place to take a walk or a bike ride.





White House Greenway,  photos by Skip Jackson

Hey guess what? It's July 1. This might not be that big of a deal to the world, but to me it's great. Exactly one month from today not only is my BIRTHDAY (Don't worry, I will be dropping several more hints before then so nobody will forget it, but I won't name any names, gallo_nero.)
...anyway, as I was saying, not only is it my BIRTHDAY (one month from today) I will also be acting a fool at a Def Leppard concert. Whee!  If that weren't enough excitement, exactly 9 months from today my little boy will be turning 4, and that, my friends, is enough to make me feel really, really old.

I'm also happy to see July because that means we're one day closer to being done with this hell on earth otherwise known as summer.  On the other hand, that also means that we're creeping closer to the pit of hell around August (my birthday) where the temperatures will reach those akin to the surface of the sun.

I hate summer.

Day 3 of cynthialord's Hometown Photo challenge.

This is my favorite part of living in a small town...I have always wanted a front porch! Yes, I am easily pleased. I know you can have a front porch anywhere, even in a big city, but something about my front porch living in the "country" is really awesome.

Day 2 of cynthialord's Hometown Photo challenge.



This is the little curvy road that leads to my neighborhood. I love this tree and I love seeing the tiny cemetery underneath it every day when I drive by it. I have never stopped to look at the headstones, but I want to. I love cemeteries. I love looking at all the names and dates and reading the few words that families chose to display forever about their loved ones. I would imagine that this is a family cemetery, otherwise I might request to be buried here. :-)

By the way- when our realtor first drove us out here I thought she had lost her mind. But something about this road made me feel right at home. I can't explain it.

Here is another shot of the road a little further down:



And just for fun, and further evidence that I am a domestic goddess in training, here are the Blueberry Streusel Muffins I made from scratch with fresh blueberries...YUM. I am thinking of going into the muffin business, right after I conquer the writing business...or perhaps as a back-up plan.



EDIT!! Should anyone want the recipe for the muffins you can find it HERE Although, I did add about a 1/4 more sugar and I still think maybe they could use a touch more. I also coated the blueberries in flour, it keeps them from falling to the bottom of the muffins.

cynthialord had a great idea...she asked people on her friends list to post a picture every day for a week showing their hometown.

So- welcome to White House, Tennessee people.

Since I joined this challenge a little late in the day, I am cheating and using a picture I have already posted before, but it's one of my favorites. I love these cows! I am a city girl, and when we moved here 2 years ago one of the first things I saw were these cows hanging out in the front yard of this house. 2 years later I am still highly amused by them.



Bonus picture! This is our adorable little library AND town museum. :-)



Stay tuned for another (more exciting than I can come up with at 9:30 pm) picture tomorrow.

This is mainly for thesynergizer. I went to McD's for my new beloved vanilla iced coffee this morning- $1.85 with tax. Size medium. I think I am in love. I noticed the hot drinks are more expensive.

Ok yesterday Hub, LG and I hit the park for some hot fun in the summertime...but we made a stop at McDonald's first. Why? Well, Hub had 2 coupons for a free new iced coffee. Since I'm a coffee snob, I was repulsed by the idea of getting my fancy yummy coffee at the Golden Arches, but since it was free hey why not? I also had a coupon for a free chicken biscuit. LG wanted french fries, which of course they don't have at 9:30 am so I got him a hashbrown. (which I did not have a coupon for, damnit).

So- a chicken biscuit, 2 medium vanilla iced coffees and an order of hashbrowns...grand total: $1.04. Something about that just made my entire day. The only thing I like more than stuff is free stuff.

Anyway- the reviews are in:


The Chicken Biscuit: Eh.

The Vanilla Iced Coffee: GOOD. So good, in fact, that I am drinking another one right now...and I didn't even have a coupon.

LG was good at school today so I promised him a treat, and since I forgot said treat on my way to get him I offered up his favorite thing in the whole wide world, "Mickey Do-nals Fren Fries", and treated myself to yet another caffeine blast. Grand total this time: $2.95.

Holy crap! My coffee AND LG's french fries for far less than what I usually pay for one coffee?? Oh please oh please oh please let their hot lattes be just as good.

Lookout Starbuck's- you have competition.

Bear with me. This is probably like 3 posts in 1. But it's chock full of entertainment.

Today I gave my kitchen chairs a makeover by re-upholstering them. They needed it desperately. I think this fabric used to be somewhere in the white family, but it had turned a dingy gray with food-stained polka dots and various other decorations a la Little Guy.

Before:



After!





I originally bought that fabric to make a valance over the french doors in the kitchen, but seeing as it has been in the closet for a year (or more) I decided I could go ahead and use it for the chairs. I think they will look super fantastic when and if I ever get around to painting the table and chairs black.

Moving on, I made the most awesome dessert the other night when we had some friends over for dinner. It's a Double Chocolate Triple Berry Trifle and it was Omigodgood. I made up the recipe and everything, but it was super easy. The "triple" berries were strawberries, blackberries and a raspberry sauce served on top (not pictured). The "double" chocolate was a devil's food dark chocolate cake and white chocolate pudding filling. It also has about a ton of FRESH whipped cream. (no canned or Cool Whip, people.)



I borrowed the trifle dish from my neighbor and returned it to her half full so we wouldn't eat the whole damn thing.

Ok, next topic. My dog will eat anything you throw at him. He's pretty trusting that it's a piece of meat or cheese or something he likes. I have always wanted to test this theory to see if he would still catch and immediately inhale ANYTHING I threw at his mouth that I was eating. Well, I did it. I was eating a dill pickle tonight and he was at my feet, begging, as usual. So naturally I threw a pickle at him. He caught it and it was hilarious watching him try to spit it out even though he had halfway swallowed it. I guess he doesn't like pickles, but the amusement was worth it all.

Number next: It's time for a new installment of Whitehousemom's Crazy Dreams.
The other night I dreamed I was at my sister's house (which is, incidentally, the former home of my deceased grandmother, so I'm always freaked out there anyway) and I was asleep, but got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. I opened the door and in the hallway standing right in front of me was this decayed dead girl blocking my way. She kind of looked like the creepy girl from The Ring, with the black hair and white nightgown but her hair was up in a tight bun, so I could totally see her rotting off face. In my dream I was trying to scream for help and the sounds wouldn't come out. I was TERRIFIED and Hub even had to wake me up because I was thrashing around and trying to scream. Nice.

Remember this little beauty?




Well, I planted it, watered it, nurtured it, and now it looks like this:



And I'm sure you also remember my sickly and elderly aloe plant?



Well, I moved it outside...aren't they a member of the cacti family or something? Don't they like hot weather? I thought maybe the sunshine would wake him up much like Robert De Niro in Awakenings. Well, now it looks like this:



And well, I'm sure everyone remembers these guys:



(No After Picture Available) (That Would Be Weird)

So I consulted my gardening friend darkangel_uk last night, and she wanted to see pictures of my "garden". I said "um...we have a yard." She said yes, same thing in the UK I guess. I don't garden anything because it would all die, see above. So here's my yard.









My "garden" would consist of the 2 pots I have on the front porch that have gerber daisies and petunias in them. So far they are not dead. Oh, also there is an almost-dead garlic plant up there too. Also, note the flowers by the mailbox. Those are pansies and they are not yet dead. I am very proud of myself. And Hub is very proud of his lawn. He has worked really hard on the front yard and as you can see it has paid off with the pretty green grass. Now the backyard hasn't been so lucky, in fact, it's been pretty neglected, so here is a picture of my beautiful weed lawn in the back. Yes, those are all weeds. I'm glad weeds are green because they kinda look like grass when it's mowed.



And just for fun, here's the awesome deck that my father-in-law and Hub built.

My boss at the paper asked me if we should put a link to this blog on the newspaper's website.

My thoughts:

1. Who would want to read about my shoes and stupid dreams?

2. Oh, sometimes I say "shit".

3. I could friends-lock the more personal stuff, but I don't friends-lock anything because mostly everyone I know and am related to that reads this blog is not on LJ.

4. I could create an entirely new blog just for the paper link, and put only LG and White House related stuff in it (that I would normally put here, too and just C & P it.)... but that might get super boring super fast.

5. In theory, anyone who reads the paper COULD already be reading it. I write it knowing anyone could have access to it, so am I worrying for nothing? I guess putting it out there advertising it is different than if someone just stumbles upon it.

I really have no idea what to do. If you have something intelligent to say on the matter please speak up.

EDIT: Let it be said that I don't really talk about personal things anyway... like there is no fear that someone I didn't know would be reading about intimate details of my life. I keep it pretty light anyway.

1. Over the past few days I have realized that my first (several) pages of my book are really, really weak. In a way that is encouraging because I know it will only get better, but on the other hand I have no idea what to do with it. I really like the rest of it (it's not done, of course), I feel like it's exciting and attention-grabbing, but the beginning? Not so much. What to do. What to do. What to do. I don't know.

2. It's Tuesday, so LG is home all day. We've actually been very productive and a lot of cleaning was done today. Not enough. Ever.

3. Hub and I are trying to think of somewhere fun to go for our anniversary in November. We've thought about Lake Tahoe or Mexico OR keeping it totally simple (and cheap) and just driving somewhere for a few days and saving up for a big trip next year for our TEN. I have been dying to go to Los Cabos but that's the tail end of Hurricane season and a bit too risky for me. What to do. What to do. What to do. I don't know.

4. When I went to work yesterday, I found this in my laptop bag:





I was relieved, because when I get to work I am always, ALWAYS, misplacing my Spiderman goggles, Legos, 2 Jenga blocks, Baby toy star and blue plastic cup. Seriously, LG, what would I do without you always looking out for me? 

I'm slowly making my way back to the land of the living. I made some coffee and ate some toast, and I am watching Fox News.

My sinuses are killing me, which is making my throat feel like I swallowed razor blades. I am seriously considering having my head removed, a transplant maybe? I request whiter teeth and better skin please.

Last night I watched a lot of crappy stuff on TV. First, the Dewey Cox movie thanks to Netflix. Yeah, I guess it was funny, but overall I was not that impressed. With the exception of a few good lines like "This was particularly a bad case of someone being cut in half," I was a little bored. The whole Beatles thing was putting me to sleep. I have a sneaking suspicion that I would like it more if I wasn't half dead, but I doubt I will ever watch it again.

Ok then after the movie, we see "Celebrity Circus" on the guide. Ummm who could NOT watch that? Not me. First of all, I love their idea of "celebrities" but I guess they couldn't really call it "People you may have seen before, maybe not, but at some point they were possibly a big deal Circus"

Wee Man, Rachel Hunter, the girl who played Dionne on Clueless, Peter Brady, some Olympic swimmer, and some girl who had a one hit wonder circa 2002-2003. If there were any other "celebrities" I forgot.

What I think, is that instead of the Celebrity Circus show, a much more entertaining show would be the casting process of this show. I would love to be a fly on the wall and hear the phone calls between the agents and the producers.

Producer: Hi, we're calling to see if Ms. Diaz would be interested in starring in Celebrity Circus on NBC.
Agent: (Laugh) Click.

Producer: Hi, we're calling to see if Mr. Kutcher would be interested in starring in Celebrity Circus on NBC.
Agent: Click. Who let this call through? You're fired.

Producer: Hi, we're calling to see if Ms. Spears would be interested in starring in Celebrity Circus on NBC.
Agent: Hang on. . . .
Agent: Ok, she wants to know if she can ride the elephant.
Producer: Um. I don't think we're going to have any animals. We were thinking more along the lines of walking the tightrope or trapeze.
Agent: Hang on. . . .
Agent: Ok, she's in.
Producer: Really? Wow, ok, I wasn't expecting that. You know, let me call you back. No, really...it's ok. We'll be in touch.

Six thousand calls later....

Producer: Hi, we're calling to see if that girl who was in Clueless would be interested in starring in Celebrity Circus on NBC.
Agent: Alicia Silverstone?
Producer: No, um, she's not available. We already called her.
Agent: Brittany Murphy?
Producer: No...
Agent: Oh! "Dionne", I forgot about her. Yeah, lemme see if I still have her number.
Agent: Ok, she wants to know who else has signed on.
Producer: Well, let's see. I think we have a definite yes from the little person that was on Jackass. Oh, and Rachel Hunter.
Agent: Who?
Producer: You know, she was married to Rod Stewart, like a couple of decades ago.
Agent: Oh yeah. Ok. Who else?
Producer: Well, I'm not supposed to say, but our secret weapon, Christopher Knight.
Agent: Who?
Producer: Peter Brady.
Agent: Holy shit! Really? Ok, she's in.

I think I'm in a walking coma today. I went to work this morning and then came home and put my pj's on, intending to write all day since my MIL was going to be picking up LG at school and he's spending the night there. I didn't write all day. I had lunch and fell into a coma instead. It's now 8:41 pm and after a 2 and a half hour nap and 4 and a half hours of rotting on the couch I think I am still asleep. I think I might be getting sick. I would rather be sick than faced with the knowledge that I am just that lazy. In my defense, I didn't go to bed last night til after 12 and was up before 6, but still...I might need a nursing home if this keeps up.

My eyes hurt. The end.

Today's column:

Everybody needs a hero

The world has seen a lot of impressive people. People that have single-handedly changed the way the world works, people that have saved lives, created masterpieces, inspired us with their music or had such a kind heart that their goodwill spread to everyone around them.

Are you just an Average Joe? Have you not ever done any of those things but you still want to be idolized by someone? Have no fear, you still can. Just become a dad of a 3 year-old boy and your place in Hero Town will be forever reserved, or at least until he becomes a teenager and thinks you're a total moron. But until then, grab that beer, start up that riding lawn mower and take that victory lap around the cove because you're a star among the wee.

Not only does Little Guy resemble his Dad sort of in the fashion that a cherry tomato resembles a regular tomato (smaller, cuter, sweeter, but otherwise identical), but now he's beginning to mirror him in nearly everything he does. Words. Mannerisms. Bad habits. Nothing is off limits to the master of mimic.

If Dad is outside, Little Guy must be outside. If Dad is cutting the grass, LG must be cutting the grass. If Dad is going to the bathroom, well, you get the idea. Dad wears two shirts to work (undershirt and shirt), so now, no matter where he goes, LG must also wear two shirts. Summer temperatures have proven not to be a deterrent to this layering behavior.

Which leads me to a public ovation to my own personal hero, Mr. Willis Haviland Carrier, whose genius made it possible for me to come inside and refrigerate myself while my husband and my son are outside cloning each other in the summer swelter. (Yes, it works both ways.)

Anyway, it got me to thinking about heroes, and the huge responsibility that falls on my husband. He must now forever be conscientious about what he says and does because of his constant companion, forever taking notes and copying whatever he sees and hears. Sometimes it doesn't come out right away, but when I least expect it, I am cornered with the knowledge that there are now two of them and I am completely out-numbered.

In a way I'm a little jealous of their bond, but then again it is nice that I can sometimes go to the bathroom by myself. Of course this crazy phenomenon only occurs when Dad is around, otherwise, I too have my own shadow, albeit not nearly as constant or aggressive.

I am envisioning (and secretly hoping for) a performance of “Me and My Shadow” on Father's Day complete with top hats, canes and synchronized dancing, but I might have my hopes up a little too high. I will probably have to just settle for watching them ride the lawnmower off into the sunset, while I'm inside, with air-conditioning, of course. Happy Father's Day, Dad's!

Say, Whitehousemom, what will you be doing on your 31st birthday this year?

Oh! I'm glad you asked. I'll be teasing my hair and dancing on my chair to Pour Some Sugar on Me and my personal favorite, Hysteria. Live. That's right. You know you're jealous.

Incidentally, I share a birthday with Joe Elliott. I will bring him a cake. And I will possibly be in it.