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Since my last post, the kid had his birthday party, turned seven and lost his first tooth (finally). Hoorah! Let's discuss, in order:

Birthday party: Was a disaster of epic proportions, but fortunately he's too young and innocent and distracted by shiny and sugary objects to notice that NOBODY SHOWED UP. Thank the baby Jesus that two of his sweet little friends graced us with their presence that day, and one of them was dangerously close to not being able to come but was only able to because his baseball team lost a tournament game and was released from the fields. PRAISE! Totally kidding. I am sorry he lost. Very, very sorry.
Noteworthy Notables:
1. Maybe the Value Pack of 100 party plates was a bit much.
2. People are huge dickwads and don't know what RSVP means.
3. With enough candy, cupcakes, brownies, pizza and a pinata full of 18 pounds of candy, little boys will not notice that 90% of their friends blew off their party.
4. Never having a party again, so I hope he enjoyed it.
5. Redeeming part of the whole thing? I got to wear this, since it was a costume party:

I only wore it for like 12 seconds because it was so hot, but still.  2 other pics because pic a) is ADORABLE and pic b) because I slaved over 24 of these freakin' cupcakes and nobody showed up and all 3 readers of this blog can at least ooooh and ahhhh over my mad baking skillz. and c) because I can't let the only picture I post be of myself. I'm selfless like that.

I'm not bitter at all.

Moving on...he didn't actually turn 7 until Sunday, the party was the Saturday before last. Sunday we took him to his favorite restaurant for lunch (Mexican, I've trained him well.) and then to Monkey Joes to jump around like a damn fool play for a while. My first experience with MJ's wasn't very lovely, it was a Saturday afternoon birthday party and I stayed in a fetal position for a couple of days recovering afterwards. Needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to his choice of birthday activities. Anywho, turns out, on a Sunday right-when-they-open, it wasn't so bad at all. The jury is still out on what kind of diseases we picked up there, but the crowd was manageable. And, as a bonus, we got a pic of my youngest child flying through time and space via a bouncy slide at a negative angle.

Last but not least...so, my kid finally loses his first tooth and it's all fun and games until you get down to the business of replacing the tooth with goodies during the night. I mean, who came up with this stupid idea anyway? I am guessing the same person who came up with Elf on the Shelf. I know in theory it doesn't seem that difficult, but when your kid has bunk beds and 27 pillow pets, it's not that easy. I went in three separate times last night looking for my golden opportunity but each and every time he was protecting that damn tooth with his entire mass (all 44 pounds of it) of body weight and unless I CLIMBED UP ON THE BUNK BED I could not get to the F'ing thing. Eventually, I went in, guns blazing, DETERMINED to succeed come hell or high water- or die trying. I did almost die trying, by the way. Have you ever tried to navigate a 7 year-old boy's mini-hoarder of a room in the dark? It's a landmine field of Transformers, Hot Wheels and Legos. FUCKING LEGOS! OH HOW I HATE THE LEGOS, but that's another blog.

Anyway- After getting my hand stuck in the slats of the bunkbed for a good 4 minutes and cursing whoever decided this was a good idea, I accomplished my mission. Only to wake up to a crying child who thought the tooth fairy took his tooth and left him nothing in return- because sometime during the night he flailed around enough to knock the money, (sugarless) gum and a love-note from the tooth fairy telling him to brush his teeth more because this one looks a little grody- down the side of the bed. Thanks, bitch.


( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 3rd, 2012 02:50 pm (UTC)
ooooh and ahhhh

Ahhh ... the memories ;o)

Apr. 3rd, 2012 05:33 pm (UTC)
God, that sucks about the party! So how many people RSVPed yes but didn't show?

The story about the tooth fairy is too funny not to try to publish, however.
Apr. 3rd, 2012 06:18 pm (UTC)
Hilarious! Being related to a 6-year-old mini-hoarder myself, I can totally relate - especially negotiating the landmines after reading/bedtime. :)
Apr. 3rd, 2012 07:14 pm (UTC)
Could I love you any more than I already do??? Yup, seems I can. You're too hilarious. I know I say that all the time, but you are. I always get a little happy thrill when I see you've posted something.
Apr. 4th, 2012 12:01 am (UTC)
I think I love you.

Apr. 6th, 2012 04:02 am (UTC)
somewhere in this house is a little tin full of tiny teeth - I never knew what to do with them..can't throw away a piece of your child, right?
Cupcakes looked awesome - I hope you froze some. Keep laughing
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