Then my love quickly faded, as it usually does, because my brain has exactly two functions regarding anything, ever: "OH MY GOD I MUST DO THIS THING ALL THE TIME! MORE MORE MORE!" and "Eh, whatever." This can best be illustrated by the love affairs I have with iPhone games. I find it, love it day and night, create 50 million games at a time, avoid all aspects of my life to play it and then just as suddenly as my love for it blossomed I will turn my back on it faster than you can play Qi on Words with Friends on a triple Q. (Right now I'm whoring myself out to Jewels with Buddies because I got tired of Matching with Friends, Draw Something, Scramble, Poker, Words with Friends and my short-lived obsessions with Chess with Friends and Hanging with Friends.)
Anyway, I still go back to Pinterest once a week or so to inspire my kitchen escapades and occasionally fantasize about my dream kitchen and make virtual Post It notes about things I'll never do, places I'll never go, parties I'll never throw and clothes I'll never wear--but the problem is it's littered with 2 categories of other things:
1. This is amazing. How could I have lived this long not knowing this?
Example: Put a wooden spoon over a pot of boiling pasta and it will not spill over. Yes, it works! My smooth-surfaced cooktop thanks you, Pinterest.
2. Are you fucking kidding me? Why would anyone a) think of this? b) execute this? c) have nothing better to do in life than try this? d) see that someone else did this and then want to do it too?
Obviously, since I'm me, we'll be discussing category #2 in my Top 4 Stupid Pinterest Things That I'm Sure Would Be Much More But This Is All I Can Think Of Right Now Off The Top Of My Head:
1. Crockpot Overkill.
Did you know you can make bread in a Crockpot?
Did you know you can make cake in a Crockpot?
Did you know you can make corn and baked potatoes in a Crockpot?
Did you know you can spend $12 and feed a family of 6 for 8 months by using nothing but your Crockpot, a bag of Cheerios and a can of Cream of Chicken soup?
Did you know you can put your 2002 Nokia flip phone in a Crockpot, add some glitter and a tube of caulk and in 12 hours you'll have an iPhone?
Did you know you can...WE GET IT, PINTEREST! Where's God? Maybe we can get him to cry a tear into a Crockpot for the 2nd coming of Jesus in 6-8 hours on Low.
2. DIY/Crafty Nonsense:
Look, I love and appreciate a good project and I am a little crafty myself, so there are some things I find simply adorable. But not stuff like this:
Voila? Voila! You tied an ugly shirt around your waist! My, my you should go to design school! I mean wtf? Apparently there's an epidemic of women out there who can't afford clothes and must resort to raiding their boyfriend's closets and transforming his old rags into shitty clothing. The first girl looks like someone I'd see doing the walk of shame down Fraternity Row when I was in college and the second one just looks like a twit with a shirt around her waist, like she got her period in white shorts. Do us all a favor and just go to Target.
3. Stuff that makes me realize what a shitty mother I am because I would never take the time to do any of this:
Well isn't that just totes adorbs? Yeah. My kids get their oatmeal in a bowl. Without a fruit worm. Or a cheese sun.
First of all, I would spend 6 hours making this sandwich and then my kids would say "Eww. What's that green stuff? and is that WHITE cheese? Gross." and then they wouldn't eat it, I'd make PB&J on white bread with no crust, the dog would steal it off the table when nobody was looking and I'd end up feeling like a failure even if I DID make it, so no Mater sammiches here.
"Make a onesie out of an old T-shirt!" Again with the old T-shirts?
"Make brownies in egg shells!" ...Orrrrr you could just make brownies in a pan, yanno, because those didn't come out of a chicken's ass.